balancing act

today i submitted my Community Development essay 2 weeks after the official submission date. i'm not used to submitting things late but still that was the easy part. the tough part was to accept that the essay was the best i could have done under the circumstances,because i felt completely lousy about the shoddy job i had done with it. I guess i'm still trying to come to terms with the fact that when a child comes into the picture, something just gonna give -- for the career folks, it may mean trying to end work on time and accepting that they can't push all the way as they used to, and for me now, it means just having to accept that my papers may not be as well-researched or written as before. Sigh. it's not easy.

And things are likely to get scarier soon as i've just been officially offered a job and i've accepted it. It's a full-time job as a sub-editor of a new website specialising in BUSINESS news in CHINESE. Gulp.....I have never had the brains for business stuff, let alone in Chinese so it must have been divine intervention that possessed the chief editor to hire me. Anyways the job pays rather well (not too far off from my CNA days) and it allows me to stay home and work during hours that are suitable. Sounds ideal? on the surface yeah. it means i save time on commuting, i get to see Val during the day, and i don't have to squeeze with others on public transport. But the downside is that i inadvertently end up doing house chores, taking care of Val sometimes, bathing him etc, while having to still work and study. It's like the invisible hand of work creeps up, and it means i have to spend afterwork hours working and my days and nights are jumbled up. I do get CPF (something i haven't had for a few years) but i don't think i get medical leave and other perks that normal salaried employees get. I didn't even bother asking. i guess i was just too overjoyed to be offered a job that somehow allows me to study and also care for Val.

My mind's also preoccupied with how i can finish up my Masters faster since i am progressing at a pace slower than a snail. At this rate, i'll still be swotting at the books come 2010. One of the faster options is to take on a 2-credit internship with an NGO which means getting 2 credits without having to write any essays..but it does mean putting in 300 hours at an NGO AND pay the university more than S$4000 for it! Yikes. what to do........i'm desperate to chock up the credits. I need 12, and so far, have only gotten 5 credits. That's the other thing... if i do the internship, it means i have to FIND the time to do it, PLUS fulfill my full-time work requirements AND Val??? Anyways, i hope to somehow do it next year when the little man's one year and i can go easy on the breastfeeding which means i could possibly juggle work and internship.

Worries worries worries....my grey hairs are multiplying...
I just tell myself to Breathe deeply and then remember to take it ONE DAY AT A TIME.

At least Mr Valente 'Smellybottom' Lay never fails to put a smile on my face especially now that he is tottering around and being Mr Inquisitive.