the thinker

I'm not sure if this is a common thing among kids of Val's age but recently he's shown a propensity to consider matters or mull on issues long after I presume he should have forgotten them.

It started with me telling him a scary bedtime story (yes, I'm an evil mommy) about a boy who gets sucked into a TV cos he wouldn't stop watching the goggle box. My play acting skills must have impressed him so much that days later, he suddenly tells me (out of the blue) that he doesn't want to be sucked into the TV like that little boy. *Gasp*

Then, these few nights, each time after I've told my string of inane bedtime stories (they're often made up based on one word requests from him, e.g. "Tell me a story about a button" or "Tell me a story about the fan"), he would seemingly fall into a heap to sleep, only to arouse minutes later wanting to discuss that story or having a real opinion about it.

One night, he sat up saying, "Mama, I don't want the Giant Mama to throw those cars away" *gulp* Moments ago, I had been play-acting a Giant Mama who destroyed paper cars because she didn't know better and was mimicking her son, the Giant Boy.

Maybe my stories are getting too Neil Gaimanish for his age....Perhaps I need to crank up the Enid Blyton flavour for this little boy who thinks too much! Is this normal? If you have a clue, lemme know.

How many days/years has it been since u last washed your jeans?

Right, so I learn something new everyday. Recently I found out from my trendier, and younger colleagues that if you really know your jeans, you wouldn't wash them each time you wear them. It's bizarre. I mean, I know jeans are usually worn a few more times than other clothings before they're washed.

But they were telling me

a) NEVER wash your jeans when you first buy them - you wear them for at least half a year so that its character will set in (*faint*) & the beautiful indigo won't run. Here read this: I checked my trusty Internet sources.

b) thereafter, it's alright to wash them once a month OR even once a year (*faint*) - of course, be sure to sun dry them, cos the sun kills bacteria.

Here's the best: someone knows of someone who didn't wash her jeans for

...........................................................................

SEVEN friggin' years.

My take? Until the day I spend hundreds of dollars on a pair of designer jeans (made with natural indigo dye, and NOT made in China) and my son is old enough not to bury his face in my pants, I might, I just might consider not washing them the first time I buy them.

And yes, I am going to try not washing my new organic denim jeans for 1 month (which alas, I have washed ONCE). I'll see if they fit better than ever.

UPDATE: Sorry but I threw in the towel literally after 1.5 weeks. I just HAD to wash them. They were just not feeling fresh anymore and I felt compelled to wear them so often cos you know, I didn't want to put them back into the wardrobe to mingle with my laundered clothes, sun-dried or NOT. I'll try again, err.... another time.

$1 million for your child? (or how $ can complicate your life)

Today I had my annual review with my insurance agent, an old uni pal who is really professional and has helped me get the right coverage for Val and I.

One of the most useful I reckon is a comprehensive hospitalisation coverage plan that I pay with my annual Medisave interest accrued, plus a cash top up of $20 per person each month.

Interestingly he introduced a new policy today (the name i shall not name cos i am not advertising for them!) that promises to pay out $1,000,000 to your offspring should you die before you reach 100 years old. Yup, ONE MILLION BUCKS.

I laughed and said, What a gimmick. It's completely targeted at parents who have been scared by their financial planners that they need a million for each kid. I don't believe in it (but that's another story for another night).

Anyhow, still I perked up my ears. After all, I WILL die before 100, so this sounded like a possibility, right? Was it expensive? Surprisingly, it costs a rather affordable $3000 a year for the next how many years you live! So technically, the earlier I die, the more "worth it" for Val. *touch wood* choi!!!

Anyways, the whole idea intrigued me immensely. There were so many ethical and practical implications suddenly.

What if I ran out of $$$ to pay the premiums cos I may get retrenched at 55 and never find a job? Simple, he said, get your kid to take over the premium payment. Because say, if you're 55, and say you die at 80, your kid pays $3k per year for another 25 years = $75k, and gets back $1,000,000 when you kick the bucket. Sounds like a sound investment plan no?

Okay, but it begged a lot more questions and put my paranoia and imagination into overdrive.

If he knows that there's $1m for him out there, would he try to get me to die earlier? (Macabre but who knows right? there could be an evil daughter-in-law in the picture)

If I fall ill, would the knowledge of the $1 m payout deter him from finding the best doc to treat me? (Again, macabre but who knows?)

If he runs into serious financial problems, would I, the filial mom, feel urged to die a bit faster so as to get the $1 m payout? (I would never commit suicide but I might be persuaded not to recover, cos we all know how mental strength counts towards recovery right?)

If I told him about the $1 m, am I essentially asking for his filial piety in exchange for it? (sad right? but it happens)

And every time he has a major argument with me, would he fear that I secretly amend my will and bequeath the $1 m payout to his cousin or a charity instead? (supreme emotional blackmail!)

My agent says I have to see it as an unconditional gift (i.e. don't think too much)and it all depends on how I teach my son and bring him up (right, so now it's all about me huh).

I came home and asked my mom these questions, and her reply was simple: Don't leave too much $ for your kids, it can complicate matters. And she's right. Somehow the $ just seems to complicate relationships, don't they? Suddenly I was thinking stuff I hv never thought of: like my son wanting to poison me? Gosh, that's Satan literally hovering over my head planting all kinds of horrible, paranoid thoughts.

We both agree that the very least we could do is to ensure that Val's tertiary education is paid for. And that's it. He should really be out there, kicking the world's ass on his own merit - not waiting for his mama to kick the bucket and become an overnight millionaire.

But still, the idea intrigues me and seems too good to be true (how will the insurer make money like that? I would love to speak to the actuarial guys!).

What do you think? I would really like to hear what other parents think! Am I letting a chance to make my son a millionaire slip away? What would you do?

Our first accolade!

Open publication - Free publishing - More mcys

Tuber won Bronze in the Graphic Design category at the Design Association of Singapore Awards 2010 with the inaugural issue of FACES, a picture book publication by the Ministry of Community Development, Youth and Sports. Whooppee!

We also snagged the Silver in the same category for a corporate brochure for Matlock Stone, a sister company under the Potato Group.

I don't live for awards - but it sure does feel good! and Vindicated! ;-) makes the angst a lil more worth it!

The mid-autumn moon waxes and wanes again....

It struck me (again! yes!) how fast time flies by. This is the second Mid-Autumn Festival party that I've brought Val to. This time, he's a year older, and much more difficult to snap pictures of! Too bad he's still nursing a persistent cough, and had too little nap time today, so we didn't really relish in the festivities. Last year, he drank the syrup water and even had a taste of popcorn. This year, nada, except for the joy of carrying the lantern - sponsored, erhum, by Resorts World Singapore ----- some form of subliminal heartland indoctrination going on here?

Annual mid-autumn festival in our neighbourhood. Last year there was an indian dance, we didn't stay long enough this year to find out what was in the lineup.

Val carefully studying the mini snowskin mooncake he helped to make at a mooncake-making stall.

Holding onto his paper lantern (free with the ticket, there was a free pomelo, a pack of candles, a box of matches and of course, NEWater!)

Val trying to snuff out candles lit by the children

It's proving more and more difficult to get the boy to pose for a pix!

Priorities....Priorities... Priorities....

my life's a blur of work (a lot), study (not enough), exercise (too little), Val (intense on weekends) etc etc etc. It leaves me with very little space to breathe... to sit down in silence and peace to evaluate what's up.

perhaps this is a reason why i sometimes find myself staying up late when I could actually head for bed. the quiet gives me a chance to read up on magazines (New Internationalist, Vanity Fair, Esquire, WIRED, New Yorker), catch up on writing the blog, and sometimes think about parenting.

ah parenting... the science and art of it bamboozle me even after 3 years of becoming a mom. i see my niece growing up so quickly before my eyes - - it seemed like yesterday that she was born, and now she's 4 months! I'm so glad I took a year out to be with Val for his first year so I saw him and bonded with him so intensely for 365 days.

eventually, I was quite glad to get back to work - to be with other adults in an office, even commuting, and yes, finally having some space and time to window shop, do some yoga, get some jogging/walking done, and reconnect with the world. Of course, the price is that I don't see Val as often. Mondays to Friday i see him only for fewer than 4 hours a day (sometimes I get up at 630 before he wakes up and come home around 730pm and he sleeps about 930pm or at the latest 1030pm *gasp*). So imagine the little time we have during the week. So that's why for 3 years now, I have not had after-office social life - i decline all dinner invites, preferring to go home to Val. I mean, i have to, right? If I didn't go home earlier, i could end up not seeing my son the entire week - unimaginable! and this is also why I devote most of my weekends to him. Only when I have to rush my assignments do I sometimes get Grandma to take care of him for half a day on a Sunday.

There are friends who didn't use to understand why i couldn't join them for dinners etc. Now I think they've given up. I don't miss it all that much. I think my plate's too full to miss the partying. Anyways, those days are definitely over. My body's not the same as before - it takes late nights less kindly.

Even though i try to spend time with Val on weekends, there's always a gnawing thought at the back of my mind that I may not be "parenting" him well enough. I see some parents getting educational toys etc and working the ABCs and 123s with their kiddies. I don't do any of these structured stuff though we do read a lot of books. Last time I bought him stringing beads - the boy played with them a total of 3 mins before scampering off to his cars.

I don't do a lot of handpainting schmancy stuff too - - i have tried to interest him with magic markers but the lil bugger's a lazy bum. He prefers to wield Grandma's calligraphy brush to wreak some fine Chinese ink brush chaos. I haven't dared to buy him those pots of finger paints cos I'm not sure i'm ready for mayhem to ensue. I can only imagine him smearing it very deliberately everywhere. He's a fast one too. Hard to catch. But I know, I know, I could be depriving him of that chance to discover his inner Leonardo. Sigh. Okay, maybe one of these weekends.

To soothe my guilt that i may not be doing enough, I've just renewed my subscription to Mothering Magazine, the most sensible, down to earth, pro-nature parenting magazine i've read. It's not local of course! It's also not cluttered with horrible ads but they only accept ads that support their natural parenting philosophy. Love it.

Anyways, I've said it one too many times that I feel like Mrs Incredibles: Stretched. I have a big, child-bearing bum like hers too. But not her skinny legs. How do I slow down? Can I? It's tough. I need to get the dough on the table, and I'm committed to finishing up that dastardly Masters (just 2 modules left!). So persevere I will.

Until then, my life will be a whirlwind. But I'll make sure it's a happy one :-)
ATTA GIRL!

I'm hungry! Feed Me! now!: tech dino recommends

Here's another nice free app that Val enjoys. It's Feed Me!, a PencilBot-Kids series for preschoolers. I've seen Val go from not really understanding the instructions at all to being able to grasp more of them. It's really a random assortment of questions ranging from identifying colours, shapes, numbers, and even fractions! The more difficult ones I help him with, but gradually I do see him feeding the monster the right answer. When it's fed the right one, it leaps and squeals in delight. When the wrong answer goes in, it turns green and belches. Love it. But my only grouse is that when the kid has fed the wrong answer, it would allow a second or third try. Instead it moves on to the next question.

Try it out!

P/s: just found out that the developers are from Hawaii! another reason to love it. ALOHA!

Marieta's Miracles

She is a guardian of things too small for the naked eye, a babysitter of cancer-fighting cells. Meet Dr Marieta Chan, who calls herself the “mother” of three laboratories at the Blood Services Group, Health Sciences Authority. - by Bridgette See Read story here.

Keen to know what goes on behind the scenes? Read the team blog here!

Puzzle in a phone

Here's another great free app that's been occupying Val to good result! It's a e-jigsaw puzzle so he uses his fingers to match up pieces to form shapes like a guitar, xylophone, raspberries, kiwi fruit, letters etc. It's good because he has not only learnt to observe and compare, he's picked up new words. Recommend this to another parent keen to add a free app onto their iPhone.

the boy and his cars

Using my old Canon to snap his cars


Cars on train tracks


an old car he picked up from downstairs


He really loves just pushing his cars...




Aunt Connie's VW camper van she bought from Germany. He usurped it

War wound

Not a flattering pic cos he was lying down. But yes, this is his first battle scar from running and dashing around. Apparently, he just fell flat, splat, kerplatz while hurtling down the corridor. And there was not a wimper from him despite the blood loss - he had heard Granpa shouting him to stop running before he fell.

Grandpa - seeing his precious grandson fall - has since been going on and on about not running etc. Me? I secretly hope he won't stop running. I just hope this teaches him to run more safely. When there's no element of risk in one's life, of what joy is there left to savour? That's me. The crazy Mom who loves living on the edge. I miss the taste of danger, the adrenalin that comes from uncertainty. I miss parts of my old life.

story telling

Ever since he was given a Toy Story 3 book (the Mandarin version no less!), Val's been bugging me to read it every single night. I was quite appalled at the idea of reading those Chinese characters (okay, there's Hanyu Pinyin but still....) because, while I speak Mandarin fluently, I am not so good reading it and this was a PRC translation, which was not a walk in the park to read.

Thankfully, I'd watched Toy Story 3 on my iPhone (bless the free Rumtel app!) and knew the story well enough to spin my own version based on the book's illustrated pictures. And so, every night, before bedtime, I've been enthralling the boy with animated (and invented) tales from Toy Story, sounds effects and all. He's now familiar with Andy, Woody, Buzz Lightyear, and of course PotatoHead - the only toy he owns from the franchise.

Today I asked if he wanted to watch Toy Story on my iPhone, and strangely after 5 minutes of that, he told me he'd rather I read the book to him. I found that kinda comforting - that he preferred my voice, my telling of the book above the excited, colourful, and attracted animations of Pixar!

This storytelling tradition is something I hope we maintain for a long while to go. I love how we cuddle up, his head in the nook of my arms, sometimes lying on my tummy, as we flip those real, physical pages of books. I love how books give us that space to imagine and spin tales of our own. Books were, and will always, be the source of reality and fantasy for me - and I hope the same for Val.

My belief is that anyone who loves to read will never be a lonesome person. You might find this weird but I think the quality of being able to cope with solitude means one never needs to always have to depend on others for company, or feel like he/she has to belong to a group - and succumb to peer pressure to do all kinds of stuff that their friends make them do. I dunno. It's just my lil' theory of how books build up character. It could be all bollocks, of course.

Just before Toy Story 3, we had been reading Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs ad nausem too. I love that book - the whole idea of food descending from the sky is incredible and yummy of course. We would spend time before bedtime, imagining the kind of foods that might rain on us - ice cream, yoghurt, chocolates, drum sticks. Delissssscious!

It's actually a relief how Val enjoys pulling out books every night for me to read - there were earlier times when he was NOT interested in them at all. Like a typical boy - he would rush through them and was more keen on the picture books that had trucks and all his fave things that go.

If i am not wrong, the first set of books that caught his attention were the Chinese versions of a set of Peach Blossom books that a local printing house had given to me. The stories were simple with engaging cartoons. I later found out that they were expensive by Chinese books standard! $42 for a set of 6 thin books! We were very lucky to be given, not one but two sets. And those 12 books really helped to kick start the boy's interest in books. We read them ad nausem for months, especially during dinner time.

Gradually I found that Chinese books seemed to catch his attention better - esp at the early infant stage. Somehow, the way the books were written, and the way we were reading them, made them more engaging. I found, to my own surprise, that I tell stories better in Chinese! Perhaps it was simply because we spoke so much Chinese at home that it became a natural language to begin reading in.

Again, if my memory serves me right, the first English book that really caught his interest was a Dr Seuss book that I got cheaply in May 2010 from a clearance sale. The silly rhymes that the Cat in the Hat is so famous for tickled Val immensely. We spent lots of nights going What's that? It's a Cup in a Pup, Now the Pup's in the Cup, and the Mouse is under the House, and Don't sit on That, it's a Bat... you get the idea. And since then, he has been asking me to read more English books to him...

Most recently in July when we hired a Filipino helper (because of my sis' new baby), Val began actively wanting to learn and speak more English. It was kinda weird hearing him speak English at first. He definitely doesn't sound like he's speaking his first language - he has a light accent - and he has trouble pronouncing words clearly which we never noticed when he spoke Mandarin. The tongue was now learning new tricks - the intonation and the rrrs for instance. What comforts me is that he pronounces his consonants --- phew! Nothing irks me more than hearing missing consonants at the end of words. Hee.

I've also discovered that Val builds up a relationship with his books - so books loaned from libraries don't tend to grow on him quickly enough. When I was 8, I benefited from more than 100 old books from my mom's friend - the Nancy Drews, Three Investigators, the Famous Fives, Secret Sevens - - and so I truly understand the joy of reading and the value of books. So this is another reason why I don't mind splurging on books for him.

Okay, this has probably been an incoherent post - - it's 3am! Just wanted to put down my thoughts before they went missing. Night night.

Uncle J's kiddy boot camp

Used the miniature mode by mistake. But i kinda like the blurry effect.


This one's specially dedicated to J, a dear friend who has proven to be reliable and incredible.

Here's a chap who's completely ready to settle, and can't wait to get married and have kids. So it was perfect that he joined us in HK for some fatherhood training boot camp. His future wife should thank us for this!

He was patient, obliging, and always ready to help me out - carrying my mommy bag and holding umbrellas for us when the heat was really too much. I only wished he had shaved his beard so that Val would allow to be carried by him! Hmmm!

Most times, Val was well behaved and was quite a joy to be with... except on two occasions when he was cranky and cried for apparently no rhyme or reason. That was when I quite literally saw J's jaws drop. His face had a "WTH is happening" look that you see in single people when kids throw tantrums. It was the same priceless expression my sis and bro-in-law had some time ago, before they had their baby, when Val threw a good one at a hot, crowded Joo Chiat eatery.

So even while I was placating Val, I sometimes felt the need to throw a comforting pat on J's shoulders to tell him, "It's okay... Kids are like that. He's tired and this is normal." Dear J, i only hope the experience has not turned you off from having kids! Oops.

Anyways, here're some pics of the two boys who had such great fun together. If there were such a thing as a past life, they might have been a) brothers or b) pet owner and pet (you decide who is which)

The bliss on J's face when he finally got to carry Val, after plenty of rejection from the boy (due to the fuzz). I had handed Val over to J after he fell asleep on the tram up to Victoria's Peak.



Another rare occasion when the boy decided it was okay to get up close and personal with the fuzz. This was at Ocean Park's Giant Panda exhibit.

That's us, the motley crew, on a ting-ting electric tram - definitely Val's and my fave transport in HK.

I'm sure Uncle J found the boot camp useful while I am eternally grateful for him taking time out to bring us around despite his busyness.

We are so blessed to know him, and other friends (in Singapore and elsewhere) who have showered Val with much affection. It's not easy being a single parent (this possibly being my first public admission of my status) and so I thank the Lord for bringing these angels into our lives. At the darkest times, they have rallied by me and given me much strength. And so, they can be assured, will I do the same when they need me. This is how the world becomes a better place, no? Gosh, is this turning out to be a sappy post or not!

Anyways, J - we wish you the best and we hope to see you again soon, perhaps with kids in tow next? ;-P If we haven't spooked you out completely about parenthood!

P/s: Now to look for my next willing victim (male or female). If you need a boot camp, feel free to drop me a note. Our next scheduled trip is probably February 2011!

HK Adventures in pictures

And so I did it.... a mad and short adventure to HK last week with the lil man. Like the tour guide I used to be (leading peeps on trails and backpacking), I prepared quite a fair bit before landing in HK.

The ingredients to a good trip while travelling with a kid as a single parent, and for the first time?

1) Location: Go to a place where you're familiar with... this is quite commonsensical, no?

2) A friend: Find a mate or two willing to join you for part of the trip --- in our case, we met an old friend returning to HK to visit relatives so it was really really fantastic to have good company and a guide bringing us around. Thanks J!

3) No agenda: This is really my style of travelling. I have some key places in mind but I never rush the itinerary or fix anything in stone. For me, it's as much the process, as the sightseeing. It's not about marking down where we've been, but enjoying the entire trip and discovering new things. So while I had one or two places in mind, like Ocean Park, we mainly worked around Val's ability, stamina, and interest.

4) VERY STRONG ARMS: Suffice to say, the adventure in HK has left me with more toned arms. The boy tired out faster than I expected, and he wouldn't be carried by my friend. It wouldn't have helped bringing a stroller along as HK is not all that stroller friendly - - lots of ups and down and stairs walking. I didn't bring my ERGO carrier, which i should have..but then again, it was super hot so it might have been quite unbearable in the ERGO for Val... oh well. it just means, more walking training for the lil man before we embark on our next holiday!

5)Get advice: I consulted another mom who usually travels on her own with her child who's the same age as Val. She gave tips on handling the cabin pressure, and booking seats online, and keeping the kid interested during the flight. The tips worked wonders. Thanks T!

6)Camera: I am glad I decided to buy the Canon IXUS 130 just days before we left. Small, light, and very handy - it helped me to snap pictures of Val and I without needing someone else to do it. hay... i know it sounds narcissistic, but really, i think the photos turned out rather nice.

Val occupied by the kiddie pack from Cathay Pacific. He wasn't bored out of his mind during the 3.5 hour flight: he watched some cartoons, ate a meal, doodled, and stuck stickers everywhere, slept, and mainly was intrigued by every shudder the plane made.

We took a lot of public transport in HK. This was on a bus from Admiralty Station to Ocean Park. It took only 15 minutes.

We loved the cable car ride at Ocean Park! I thought Val would bawl but he was really brave, and sat on his own while the cable car swung out into the air. I was too busy carrying him or holding an umbrella in the scorching heat to take many other pictures.







On HK's famous trams. We ventured out alone one morning, squeezing onto a "ting ting" car from outside our hotel. Carrying him and the baby bag was no joke! I think I discovered how much strength I have in my arms, and how stoic i could be then! Thankfully, i managed to struggle upstairs where a kindly lady gave her seat to us. Phew....



I wanted to head for Dim Sum at Luk Yu where I had last eaten and was quite chuffed to find that we had alighted at the right tram stop in Central, downtown HK. From there, we walked up Pottinger Street to find the restaurant.

This is a 70-year-old establishment that still has the practice of dim sum waiters going around with trays hung around their necks to serve the food. But the service stops at 1030am, after which you have to decipher a really "cheem" Chinese menu to order your food. The waiters there had lots of fun with Val.

We had a cubicle to ourselves. The boy was really quite well behaved throughout the meal where I scarfed down siew mai, har kau, da pao etc... and drank Pu'er tea. Burp. Not cheap the meal but it was the only dim sum place I knew that was relatively quiet and not a frenzy of shouting and shoving and queueing...



Up Pottinger Street again, exploring the wares. He walked a lot so by the time we were headed for Victoria's Peak, he was bushed and I had to carry him .... Bleh...







He loves things that go.... so he would stand at the streetsides, enthralled by vehicles, especially the huge trucks. He enjoyed the Star Ferry too though we only took it once.

What do you know? MacDonalds' breakfast HK style! The macaroni soup and chicken chop was yummy. But Val still preferred his Fish Fillet.

The funny boy hamming up for the camera.

Back at the hotel room (it was tiny tiny tiny cos we were on HK Island and not Kowloon side), Val would push his truck and play with his toys during our down time. He enjoyed being in the tiny but comfy room very much. He still waxes lyrical about how nice the bed was...

The HK Airport EXpress! I loved it, so i wanted to let Val experience it. We took a short cab ride from our hotel to HK Station where we checked in, and then took the train sans heavy luggage to the airport. It was good thing I had checked in as Val fell asleep on the 24 min train ride, and I had to carry him, my bag and his Trunki when we arrived! Stoicism helps! Of course, if there was friend sending us off it would have been better but it was not to be as my friend had to attend a funeral and another friend couldn't make the time.







I like how there are family loos at the HK airport - so I could wheel in the entire trolley and there is also a kiddy sized toilet bowl inside for the children.

Planes.. he loved watching them and would have stood there forever if he could.

If i knew there was a TV lounge, i would have checked in even earlier. This was a perk of flying with Cathay Pacific - the gate is very near the check-in, you don't have to walk far away, plus there's this TV lounge here. I didn't remember seeing this when I last flew UA.

And there we go - on our way home after five days!

I've heard so much from parents horrified after their trips with their children, they swear never to go again. but for us, it was a truly wonderful trip and I am really mighty impressed by Val - he behaved so well for the five days, was mostly a joy to be with (99% of the time), and so you can say, I fell in love with my son even more during this trip. I am so blessed too to have J who was willing to spend time with us in HK that made a difference to our experience. This trip will certainly not be the last! More and more to come.