okay okay, so it's probably quite obvious that i'm from the 'attachment parenting' clique. I didn't even know such a term existed until i became a mom and started reading Dr Sears' The Baby Book. I was devouring the book in the first month cos Val was a rather anxious and fussy (oops not supposed to use that term!) baby cos he cried when he was bathed, when he was changed, when everything la! Anyways, i tried to find some answers in that tome and started (as advised) using my own maternal instincts to parent Val instead of listening to what the 'wise' ones had to say. That is - i decided to carry Val as much as possible, ignoring the 'don't spoil your baby' group of advisors. Sorry folks, but really. Val wouldn't have wanted it any other way. He DEMANDED to be held, and my lactation consultant reckons it was particularly because Val was born rather small and skinny, all the more he wanted the warmth and comfort of mama. And so, i did it. I held him a LOT. Of course the naysayers would take every opportunity to make me put down baby, but i persisted. One day, a friend visited, and when she saw how close Val and I were. Val was perched upright, with both tiny hands on my chest, staring enthralled into my face, studying me closely even at 5 weeks old. She immediately said, "wa your child is so in love with you. ah, you must be practising attachment parenting."
The strange thing i find is that most people try to tell me that it's BAD to be attached to my child. When i began breastfeeding, someone told my Mom that breastfed babies are very attached to their moms. 'And so?' i asked my mom. 'What's so bad about that?' Somehow, in our modern times, it's NOT GOOD to be attached to your mommy???!!! Why? Why? I don't know. I mean, these are little babes we talking about. if they ain't attached to us, who or what do we want our babes to be attached to? Their pacifiers? Their teddies? Their domestic helpers? Sigh....
'You sure regret it if you carry him so much' - okay so how many of you have heard this phrase? Raise your hands!! I think this piece of advice is often given out of best intentions but unfortunately it just couldn't be applied to Val's case. The lil boy will sit in the stroller for the most 5 minutes, and although he is increasingly keen to be on his back or side in the cot playing, he still demands to be carried after a while. You see, that's it. Babies are PROGRAMMED to be carried. It's their survival instincts. They are also programmed to cry and make noise. So instead of praising quiet babies, we should actually pay special concern to those babies that are TOO quiet. Crying is a survival skill for babies.
Anyways, so each week when i see my uncles and aunties at our weekly gatherings they will ask, 'where's the stroller?' Er... it's sitting at home. 'Why?' cos it's a waste of energy bringing it out cos i will most definitely have to carry Val AND push the empty stroller which makes no sense at all. instead, i find lots of joy using baby slings and carriers that are sooo much more portable and handsfree.
The first baby carrier i got was a Moms In Mind Sarong Sling. Initially Val hated going in cos he was small and needed to be put in a cradle position which he hates UNLESS i've tricked him into it by luring him with da breast. HAHA! He prefers to be upright but was too small to be carried that way in a sarong sling. So i've temporarily put that aside for now. Then I borrowed Rani's Baby Bjorn carrier as she bought another one from Ebay for less than $10 bucks!!! My dad has great reservations about such carriers cos he thinks it's bad for baby boys to be sitting ermmm on their jewels. Also, the old model for Bjorn doesn't allow nursing on the go so i have to take Val out whenever he needed to nurse. So i borrowed another baby carrier the ERGO baby carrier from Xiao Feng. This carrier is more suited for 4 months and above so for now, i've been carrying Val with both legs to the side. It's not as secure as if his legs are spread out, so i just have to be more careful. I think it's great that i've got to try out the carriers first before buying one. Thanks friends! This is how it should be so that better choices are made! Cos every baby is different and demand different things. I'm still keen to return to the Sarong Sling cos it's the most portable and also easy for nursing. I just want to meet more moms who are experts in using the sling cos sometimes the material and all that jazz with the ring and all drives me nuts.
Anyways, i do digress badly. I meant to say that with baby carriers, i'm quite a mobile mom going places without the cumbersome stroller. Also, Val seems to fall asleep so well whenever he goes into the carrier. So when i'm desperate for him to fall asleep, i just slip him into the carrier, walk a lil, and voila! zzzz baby!
One book that really encouraged me to follow my maternal instincts on what's good for Val was Meredith Small's our Babies , Ourselves. Reading it affirmed my style of parenting and makes me feel less bad about co-sleeping and baby wearing. Even my mom has remarked to me that she thinks it was my patience and constant carrying of Val that actually helped him to become the cheerful baby he is now. She says she couldn't imagine if we had sent him to the hospital for bililights treatment- what baby we might have in return cos it's a well known fact that the nurses just let the babies cry it out cos they're too busy to be soothing and comforting them whenever they cried. So there - i don't believe in letting a baby 'cry it out.' i'm a wussy parent in that sense, but i really believe that if i'm there to comfort my baby and he learns to trust that i will be there for him, he will grow up to be a secure child. Anyways, this is a path i've taken without any deliberation, just basing it on my instincts and working with my baby's needs. Whatever happens in the future (i.e. if Val gets spoiled) will be a result of my choice, and i won't blame anyone else.
