The best gift for Val

Okay so this sounds soppy but really, when i decided to 'splurge' on a doula and the hypnobirthing class, the only rationale i had was that it would probably be the best gift for my lil un. the amount isn't a trifle so i did give it quite a lot of thought and research. i read up on the Hypnobirthing book on my own to see if i could 'embrace' its philosophy and also emailed several people who took the classes for their opinions. IN the end, i made the decision and boy am i glad. Below is a letter from Auntie Ginny of Four Trimesters (www.fourtrimesters.com) to Baby Val to welcome him into the world. Touching for me to read 2 weeks after his birth.




Dear Val,


Your Mommy first contacted me via email when she was still living in East Timor. She was thinking of having a natural birth to welcome you in the gentlest way possible and found me through the internet. She later found out that some of her friends are also taking HypnoBirthing classes with me.

I first met your parents at the HypnoBirthing group class conducted at my home. Your daddy was sceptical but supportive and it seemed like he enjoyed the first class. Your maternal grandma attended the 2nd group class to learn how to support your mommy should your Daddy miss the birth being based in East Timor. Your Mommy and you are surrounded showered with love by supportive friends and family.

I met your Mommy 2 days before she went into labor for our first prenatal. I was pleasantly surprised that she had beautiful affirmation cards on post it notes stuck all over her poster, clearly, she was determined and motivated to have a short, easy, relaxed and comfortable birth.

13th December 2007

5.17am

Hi ginny my waters just broke.
(Bridge: my first sms to ginny)

Your Mommy called me shortly after and we went through her options. She could choose to stay at home and wait for the surges to pick up on its own or go to the hospital to check that your fetal heartrate is fine and have the option of heading home again if labor has not started. Your Daddy was still in East Timor at this point.

6.34am

Ok we going to hospital. Will update you later. I haven’t printed my birth plan.

6.51am

Ok I’ll see how the fetal monitoring is first. Drats hate the thought of a VE. They have to do it ya?

6.54am

Ok thks. Would u have any way of contacting him?
(Bridge: Trying to contact Doc Paul)

6.57am

Ok they tried to call him but no response. I’ll update you.

8.29am

Will the loss of waters endanger the baby?

8.32am

Ok still at hospital. Eating. I think my ma is worried. I’m sleepy. Just keep waiting for baby movement. So far he is active. My surges are there but not intense.

8.34am

The waters keep flowing. So its quite scary.

8.35am

Ok but very malu.

I found out later that your Mommy and your grandma hung around the hospital to wait and see if the surges will start, so they had breakfast there, before deciding to head home again.

10.06am

Hi I’m home and resting. Lying on side to relax. Surges still irregular but seem more intense yeah! Do you think you can help me print a copy of my birth plan? I dun have a printer here. I’ll update you more.

12.07pm Daddy smses

Hi Ginny how are you this is Armando in timor. Would you be able to keep me updated on Bridgette condition. I am trying to get a flight out.

1.24pm

I feel like something really trying to push through my butt when the surges come. Is that normal?

1.38pm Daddy smses

Thanks heaps I feel so helpless being so far away. Thank you for your kind assistance and please keep me updated.

2.07pm

Surges are getting more challenging. The push down to butt is very strong, din imagine that it would be like that.

2.08pm

Wait let me count
(Bridge: Ginny asked me for duration and intervals of surges)

2.27pm

First two were 4 min apart, about 40 sec next two were 2 min about 30 sec then last one was 4 min apart lasted 50 sec.

2.37pm

Last one just now was very strong. Especially when I breathe out. Ya have bits of blood on pad not a lot.

Your Mommy called me to update me and her surges were clearly picking up. I asked if she would like to monitor for a while more before deciding if we should meet at the hospital and she said ok.


In less than 10 mins, your grandma called to say that they are leaving for the hospital now and I said I will meet them there.

3.50pm Daddy smses

Ok thanks. I spoke to her mom and they are also on their way. Please keep me inform, I am really lost here.

We arrived at the hospital around 4pm and after the initial CTG run, your Mommy consented to an internal examination as it did seem as though she was going to deliver soon. 8cm dilated to our delight.

4.18pm Daddy smses

Hi any development?

During this time, I really wished your Daddy was here together with us. I had to support your mom and settle the logistics as well, which turned out to be somewhat of a comedy. As your grandma was busy settling admissions, your Mommy and I were very much alone in the delivery suite most of the time.

Her favourite position was to sit on the edge of the bed and lean forward during surges. A labouring woman can be very strong and have a lot of weight and as she peed during surges, the floor was all wet, making it more challenging for me to hold her weight up.

At the same time, I needed to go to the store to take the birthing stool, the foam mats etc and prepare the room for the birth. However, because I was alone with your Mommy and your Daddy was not around, I could not and depended on the nurses to do the job. And the nurses pushed it to the housekeeper, so it took us several attempts before we got what we wanted – which was the birthing stool and foam mats instead of an ikea stool!

During this time, your Mommy’s urges to bear down were getting stronger and stronger. At one point I had to ask her to go on all fours on the bed to see if I could see your head emerging. It was very uncomfortable for her and she quickly reverted back to sitting on the edge of the bed.

When we got the birth stool in place, your Mommy moved to the birth stool and tried to find a comfortable position. Another internal examination was done and your Mommy was fully dilated and your head was very low. Yay!

I suggested using squats and sitting positions to help your head descend lower and faster, and your Mommy reported that the surges were more intense when she squatted. We decided to wait for Dr. Paul to come before doing more squats. It wasn’t long before your head was visible when I notified the nurses.

And your Mommy was doing so well that we had to encourage her to blow out to stretch the perineum whilst waiting for Dr. Paul to arrive, and he did very shortly after. Within moments, you were born at 5.18pm!

Your grandma stepped in at that moment and all our eyes welled up in tears of joy. After we moved your Mommy and you to the bed, I excitedly called your Daddy.

5.31pm

Thank you and god bless, I am in tears aof joy and sadness. Can I trouble you to take a pix and email to me? Thank you.
(Bridge: Armando's sms to Ginny)

5.45pm Daddy smsed

Sorry we do not have the facilities here, email is best, thank you. Can you tell me weight and size and mom and baby is ok?

5.51pm Daddy smsed

We thank you so much.


What a beautiful moment, and I am honoured and grateful to have been invited to be part of this gentle welcoming.

Val, you are truly blessed!

With love, light & joy, and hugs and kisses of course,

Aunty Ginny xox

it's all in the mind

my birth affirmations
Originally uploaded by tumbleweeed

just as an athelete visualises her 'win' in whatever sport, i am now practising visualisation and affirmation to assist me in natural childbirth. One of the underlying philosophy of all the childbirth books i have read (Christian and non-christian) is the idea that FEAR does a lot to impede a natural childbirth. I have to say that i agree with this very much. Ever since i announced my intention to have a natural, drug-free birth, i have had no lack of (well-intentioned) mothers ply me with their scary birth stories and their determination to drive home to me the idea that childbirth is so painful. I have to politely tell them "thank you, but please i don't need to hear your stories". I don't care how your birth went, thank you very much, because my birth story will be MINE. each and every experience will be different. While i may not have birthed yet, and i cannot dispute what they say, i do now understand why so many women go into labour with so much fear. Afterall, they have been programmed to fear after listening to so many bad experiences!

And so, i am putting fear ASIDE (see the first red card), and learning methods of deep relaxation. I am preparing for this childbirth with as much diligence as i can.................from mental preparation (listening to birth affirmations, deep relaxation, reading up books, taking classes) to physical preparation (yoga, swimming, stairs climbing, walking). I do know how important physical stamina will be during labour, especially those that are long drawn. But as one book Supernatural Childbirth also reminds, it is about having faith in God and trusting him to deliver my baby with ease and comfort. So i am also praying a lot, and infact, i so enjoy going to mass and receiving the eucharist and asking God to bless baby. I talk to baby a lot now and ask him to be my birth 'partner' cos he knows best how to slip out of my body. Dr Paul reminded me that baby does know best after i told him how i have tried to bring him to an optimal fetal position (left side of my body) and baby repeatedly turned back to his favourite position which is on my right. So for now, i won't fret too much about his position but pray that when the time comes, all will be fine. One of the birth affirmation cards is to TRUST my baby and my body to work together. I do so believe in that.

Writing these cards has been a powerful move for me. I forget how visual a person i am until after i had written them down. Today while i was swimming, the words just kept resurfacing in my mind as i did the laps. This is so exciting and i am really looking forward to welcome my baby into this world. Who would have expected that the simple act of BREATHING well can make such a difference between an easier birth and a laborious one?

Ready, get set, go!

red shoes
Originally uploaded by tumbleweeed

it all became very real yesterday when the ladies in the office threw a sweet baby shower for me and M. when i picked up the pair of small shoes, something just melted in my heart. i mean, it's cliched huh but really, holding the pair of tiny sandals sent a frisson of excitement down me spine........imagine the lil 'un fitting into these! now i know how moms-to-be get so excited shopping for stuff - something i have started doing since i've just simply decided to wait till i return home to do so.

And that will be soon - Monday i jet home, and wait for nearly 7 weeks before baby arrives. Some people say "why do u leave so early?" Actually i could have delayed the departure till week 35, but with the ongoing power blackouts, i am now real glad i made the decision to leave. I have slept badly for the past week, but thankfully i still feel strong. I just can't wait to return home, sleep with my windows WIDE open without mossie nets, and with no fear of contracting malaria or dengue.......ah......

I return home in time for the November hypnobirthing class which i'm really looking forward to. i've read so much about it, and am positively gearing up for baby's birth so that i can 'breathe' him out calmly instead of screaming my head off.... Speaking of which, the 'lil one has also been performing crazy somersaults in my tummy the past week. When we saw Dr J on 2nd Nov, he was head down, but today his head is back up again. How do i know? Cos his hiccups gave him away! Last week, his hiccups came very very low, almost below the bump, today, it was right on top! so despite being clueless at identifying all the body parts he's been exhibiting, at least i can decipher his hiccups and head position. The swollen legs and constipation has eased too thanks to his head turning back up again....altho i do wish that when it's time for him to go back again, he will!

it starts from now.....

Local wisdom here dictates that pregnant women 'lao barak' or walk a lot. it is actually very sound advice as lots of walking increases stamina, and also widens the birth canal to make birthing easier. G (who was very petite) walked so much that three times her babies just came out so easily despite her small frame. She said she used to scare the guards at Palacio do Governo whenever she ran up the stairs while being heavily pregnant. She was THAT active till her delivery. I also often spot pregnant women walking up and down the beach front.

Being pregnant here also meant that i have had to take more initiative to find out more about prenatal preparations. One of the first things i got online was a Shiva Rea Prenatal Yoga DVD. It has been a great investment - since it shows how a woman in the various stages of pregnancy can modify her poses for a safer, more comfortable workout. The music is also very soothing, and really calms me down after a day's work. The poses are also very simple, with a lot of emphasis on squats, pelvic rotation, kegels, pelvic tilts - all the exercises that are useful in expanding the birth canal, firming the muscles that will be used in birthing, and strengthening the pelvic floor. I find that even when i'm outside like at the office, i can use some of the poses to stretch myself, and ease my back. The only downside is that this is something i do ALONE. I wish there was a prenatal yoga class for preggers! At least it would be fun to mingle and see other bigbelliedmums. I have stopped attending the regular yoga classes also because i know i am no longer able to hold the poses without assistance such as a chair, or a strap. And like i said, the DVD is great!

I just read in TIME magazine too that prenatal belly dancing is hotting up. I wish i had ordered that one too from Amazon! I can imagine how fun belly dancing is, especially with my bump. but then again, what fun can belly dancing be when it's all done alone? yoga is one thing, but dancing is a social activity! it would be strange to be jiggling on my own to exotic music.....

also, without the privilege of joining prenatal classes back home, i've been reading up voraciously about pregnancy. my 'bible' "what to expect when expecting" is well-thumbed now, also "pregnancy week by week", and "praying for your unborn child" - these are all great resources.

Recently i brought back "Hypnobirthing - the Mongan method" to begin some self study on hynobirthing because i've read a lot about this online but won't have the chance to attend classes. I really can embrace the philosophy of birthing without fear- the gist is that if a woman goes into childbirth having all kinds of morbid thoughts and fears (from past experience, or stories from mother and friends), her body inadvertently seizes up, her mouth clams up, leading to her uterus also becoming rigid. Once that happens, the body simply is unable to react to its natural signals to birth the baby. Hypnosis is also not the kind of abracadabra we see on tv. This is simply learning methods of deep relaxation to control the mind so as to block the hormones that send fear and pain to our brain. Instead, the mind calms the body down, to a state of stillness and awareness. So, ultimately Hypnobirthers don't feel pain but pressure and therefore don't need EPIDURAL. This is the ideal state of course. and i agree completely that for this ultimate state to be reached, mothers have to be hardworking and practise, practise, practise those exercises - otherwise, come birthtime, it will be a painful surprise! I'm still not sure if i am up to 'it' but i'm beginning to practise the relaxation and visualisation techniques. I am beginning to see how if we kick and scream through our delivery, surely the baby would be affected? I mean, the baby's hearing is well-developed by 5th month, so surely they can hear our agony and feel so scared and refuse to come out to that horrible noisy world out there? Once again, the book encourages mothers to do plenty of exercises - which are all COVERED in the prenatal yoga dvd! Above all, in more modern birthing philosophies, what's being encouraged is for mothers and fathers to be CURIOUS, to take an active role in preparing for childbirth by finding out more instead of simply listening to what the medical caregiver has to say. I agree with that!

Last word - i think asian moms have an advantage in natural birthing because (at least for the present and older generations), they grew up in a world of squat toilets, were used to sitting on the floors cross-legged, and are generally more pliant than bigger caucasian women. I can personally attest to this when you see the asian women contorting with ease during yoga lessons! so viva, squat toilets which have such a big role to play in strengtheing the thighs and pelvic floor muscles!